All North Korea ever needed was a little ‘Margaritaville’


I’ve by no means sought to develop into a world traveler. Fairly frankly, my yard is considered one of my favourite journey locations. It doesn’t take me very lengthy to get there, and I’ve received a pleasant view of the wooded land behind me. Better of all, it’s extraordinarily low cost. Typically my spouse even cuts me a deal and solely fees me $5 to go to.

Till 2011, my solely excursions overseas have been an evening in Windsor, Canada, throughout a weeklong work journey to Detroit and some alien abductions. I don’t even rely these as a result of technically we should have been in U.S. Airspace. It’s arduous to inform whenever you’re within the experimentation lab — whose providers, by the best way, are apparently thought-about by my insurance coverage firm to be “out of community.”

However in 2011 my boss informed me I wanted to get a passport.

“Positive,” I stated. “The place am I going? Paris? Rome? Hatchechubbee?”

“No. North Korea.”

I used to be to report on a venture began by some peace-loving people to foster higher relations between our nations by way of a group-constructing undertaking. I used to be completely fantastic with that. My boss had been there a couple of occasions and had no issues. My quickly-to-be spouse, nevertheless, was involved that my sensible-aleck mouth simply may land me in some communist work camp. I assured her that I wouldn’t say something to anger anybody.

“Actually,” I informed her, “I’m simply going there to sing.”

“Um, you can’t sing.”

“Completely irrelevant. And hurtful, by the best way.”

Few individuals know this, however Jimmy Buffett taught me how you can play guitar. Even Jimmy doesn’t know he taught me easy methods to play guitar. However a number of chord charts and a variety of Buffett tunes did the trick. My plan to convey peace to the Koreas was to movie myself enjoying and singing “Margaritaville” in Pyongyang. I don’t assume anybody has ever achieved that, and it will convey consideration to the challenge — and doubtless land me in a communist work camp.

A couple of weeks later, although, enjoyable-loving Kim Jong Il died and the venture was placed on indefinite maintain when his fool son took over. To this date, there’s no Margaritaville in North Korea — which is shocking since there are about as many Margaritavilles on the planet immediately as there are Starbucks. Or is that Starbuckses? Or Starbuxes?

I’ve since been in a position to make use of my passport a very good bit, however I haven’t bothered to carry out “Margaritaville” in Africa, Central America or Hatchechubbee. I determine these locations have sufficient points with out the caterwauling president of the Possum Holler Parrothead Membership.

I nonetheless assume North Korea might use a bit of Margaritaville — or a minimum of a Sport Clips. They take life method too significantly, even when they’re a bit carefree with their hairstyles. If Kim Jong Un would spend slightly time in Margaritaville, he is perhaps happier nibblin’ on sponge cake than uranium cake. As an alternative of firing off missiles, he might be firing up the frozen concoction maker.

I’m sorry that I didn’t get to go to North Korea and remedy this drawback by way of the facility of Jimmy Buffett. In fact, if relations maintain wastin’ away between Pyongyang and Washington, we will not be singing Jimmy’s songs, however we’ll doubtless be consuming an entire lot of his tequila.



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